I didn't post this yesterday as I had planned, but I guess its ok if its a little belated. My first mother's day was full of mixed emotions. It was a new experience for me since I just had my first baby a few months ago. I was happy because I feel so blessed that Heavenly Father has trusted me with one of His sweetest spirits, Brynn, and yet I wasn't as celebratory as I thought I would be on my first mother's day. I was happy to be a mom, yet a little depressed that I couldn't see my own. I am so close to my parents and I get depressed pretty often that I can't see them as much as I would like to. I also was having a hard time because being a mother makes you see infertility situations and mother's who have lost their children, in a different light. I can think of 5 or 6 women who have problems with fertility. I sat next to someone in my family yesterday at church who has that problem. I let her hold Brynn for sacrament meeting and my heart broke when I looked over at her seeing her weep as she held Brynn close. I am tearing up again just as I write about this. I kept in mind family members and friends who I knew were having a hard time on mother's day all day yesterday and said silent prayers for them. I thought about the people who have lost children and how hard yesterday was for them also. There are times I cry just THINKING about Brynn being taken away from me. I can't imagine what those people go through. There was a woman on the news last night sharing her story about her baby boy who died of pertussis at 10 weeks old. I had to leave the room because I was sobbing. My heart was full of emotions yesterday and it was hard to contain them all. I feel so blessed and alot of times I dont feel worthy of my blessings. Robbie did get me a beautiful arrangement of tulips and a coupon for a night of dinner/movie of my choice. That made me feel better. I know as soon as I am done with this super intense diet EXACTLY where I will be going to that dinner. Only about 30 more days to go. Anyways I tried to put what I wanted into words and it wasnt said as well as I wanted, so bear with me. Sometimes its hard to put into words what you feel. I do want to talk about my mom for a minute though!
My mother is the best mother in the world. She is beautiful, kind, caring, selfless, loyal, funny, and sensitive to everybody's feelings. She exceeds her callings in church as always has. She practices the organ multiple times a week just so that she feels prepared on Sundays. In her old ward she was the primary chorister and I've never seen someone go so above and beyond in the ways of teaching kids songs and having fun. She always makes sure that everybody feels included, and listens to people talk when they have way too much to say. She always makes everyone feel important and loved. She is a wonderful grandmother to Brynn, and it breaks my heart that they don't get to see each other very often. She was always there for me when I was a pain and she never gave up on me. She has the best sense of humor and is always easy to talk and joke with. She is always doing something for somebody. She always puts her wants and needs last. She does more for me and Robbie than I can even tell you. She means the world to me. I love my mom so much and I just want everyone to know :)
