I WISH...

...that I was filthy rich and then could donate all my money to the ASPCA. Those puppies and kitties are so sad and it breaks my heart! I can't take another commercial....I think it will kill me. I tear up everytime an ASPCA commercial comes on. People who hurt animals have no soul.  Animals are like babies, so innocent and sweet. They have feelings just like humans and they KNOW when they aren't loved or wanted.  I know some people think my family and I are crazy with how much we love animals...but I don't care.  They will always have a special place in my heart. Love them!

Victory is mine!

...well pretty much anyway.  Brynn is 3 months old and I put on my old jeans today to see if they fit, and they DID! Its a tight squeeze and all, but alas, I fit into them! I know I still have a little more weight to lose, but its mainly my hip bones that are holding me completely back...but I know that takes a while for them to shift back to where they were. Oh happy day! I also earned $18 selling some of our stuff at Stacie's garage sale today. Bonus! Annnnnd I ate a steak for dinner. Double Bonus! Annnnnd I used our Kohl's cash and bought some pj's and a cute jacket for Brynn when shes older and spent only $4. Triple Bonus!

All in all, today was a good day.

I want need this...

Our niece, Grace, when she was younger used to say "I want need this" when she wanted something.  It has become one of Robbie's and my favorite sayings. So when I see something I want, I say it too! Today is one of those days where I'm having an imaginary shopping spree. It feels so good! (Somewhat disappointing also...)  But here are some of the things I bought today on my spree...feel free to buy them for me if you feel so inclined!

Olive canvas Toms

Steve Madden 

and  if I have the fridge, I need the matching stove also!





       

I want need this pretty messenger bag...but from what I can find, they dont make it anymore! Sad panda.

This jacket is $450. If I am going to get it, someone else has got to buy it for me :)

Ok, off I go! Have a happy Tuesday :)

I love my mommy.

I didn't post this yesterday as I had planned, but I guess its ok if its a little belated.  My first mother's day was full of mixed emotions.  It was a new experience for me since I just had my first baby a few months ago.  I was happy because I feel so blessed that Heavenly Father has trusted me with one of His sweetest spirits, Brynn, and yet I wasn't as celebratory as I thought I would be on my first mother's day.  I was happy to be a  mom, yet a little depressed that I couldn't see my own.  I am so close to my parents and I get depressed pretty often that I can't see them as much as I would like to.  I also was having a hard time because being a mother makes you see infertility situations and mother's who have lost their children, in a different light.  I can think of 5 or 6 women who have problems with fertility.  I sat next to someone in my family yesterday at church who has that problem.  I let her hold Brynn for sacrament meeting and my heart broke when I looked over at her seeing her weep as she held Brynn close.  I am tearing up again just as I write about this.  I kept in mind family members and friends who I knew were having a hard time on mother's day all day yesterday and said silent prayers for them.  I thought about the people who have lost children and how hard yesterday was for them also.  There are times I cry just THINKING about Brynn being taken away from me.  I can't imagine what those people go through.  There was a woman on the news last night sharing her story about her baby boy who died of pertussis at 10 weeks old.  I had to leave the room because I was sobbing.  My heart was full of emotions yesterday and it was hard to contain them all.  I feel so blessed and alot of times I dont feel worthy of my blessings.  Robbie did get me a beautiful arrangement of tulips and a coupon for a night of dinner/movie of my choice. That made me feel better.  I know as soon as I am done with this super intense diet EXACTLY where I will be going to that dinner.  Only about 30 more days to go.  Anyways I tried to put what I wanted into words and it wasnt said as well as I wanted, so bear with me.  Sometimes its hard to put into words what you feel.  I do want to talk about my mom for a minute though!

My mother is the best mother in the world.  She is beautiful, kind, caring, selfless, loyal, funny, and sensitive to everybody's feelings.  She exceeds her callings in church as always has.  She practices the organ multiple times a week just so that she feels prepared on Sundays.  In her old ward she was the primary chorister and I've never seen someone go so above and beyond in the ways of teaching kids songs and having fun.  She always makes sure that everybody feels included, and listens to people talk when they have way too much to say.  She always makes everyone feel important and loved.  She is a wonderful grandmother to Brynn, and it breaks my heart that they don't get to see each other very often.  She was always there for me when I was a pain and she never gave up on me. She has the best sense of humor and is always easy to talk and joke with.  She is always doing something for somebody. She always puts her wants and needs last.  She does more for me and Robbie than I can even tell you.  She means the world to me. I love my mom so much and I just want everyone to know :)

What I've been upto...

This is what I've been upto the past few weeks. It keeps me sane, and makes for great birthday presents for my nieces.  Brynn usually gets the cream of the crop with these bad boys. Annnd I guess there's a few headbands for yours truly. I think I'll be selling them this summer at a Farmer's Market booth. We'll see. I've even had a few people ask if I'll make some to buy! But heres some samples of what I've been doing while Brynn is asleep. (When I'm not cleaning) 

(Click on pictures to enlarge)

Other than that, we are planning to move here pretty soon. Yuck. 4th move in 2 years.  I start my diet tomorrow, I cant WAIT to get off all this pesky baby weight.  Brynn had her baby blessing last Sunday. I'll find some pictures of that to post later.  Other than that, I am so ready for summer to get here! 

PS. I was SO wrong about Brynn being 12 pounds ha ha. She had a doctor's appointment the other day and she weighs 10 1/2 lbs. 

2 months

 Brynn turned two months this past friday.  She is getting so big! I think she's about 12 lbs now.  Nuts!  It's so much fun to watch her grow and learn.  She has started to smile more and talk more.  Every diaper change is our special "talking time" where I will make sounds with my mouth and she will copy them.  I usually get a few smiles while changing her diaper.  She is such a good girl!  

Robbie finally got another job! So that is some good long awaited news.  He has been interviewing for over a year now trying to get a different job, but none of the jobs until now were ones we felt good about him taking.  He is going to work for State Farm now, but until he builds up his clients, he will still be working 30 hours a week at Sprint.  So, needless to say, I will NOT be seeing my husband for a while.  But we are excited and I am very happy for him.  He's been at Sprint for over 4 years now and he hates it.  Its nice to see him happy.  

This weekend I took some newborn photos of Brynn finally...well they're 2 month photos but I'm just going to say they're her newborns because I put it off for so long.  I was able to shoot about 15 minutes before she started wigging out, but I got some good ones.  I'll have to finish shooting another day :)  We also took our first official family photo on Sunday.  It was our first adventure to church as a family, so I figured that was a good occasion to do it.  

Heres what I got!

Out with the bad thoughts...in with the good

Tonight is the last night of my 2 1/2 week visit in good ol' Casper, and it feels extremely bittersweet.  There's no place like home.  I love the people here, being close to my family, the beautiful landscape, how simple life feels in a small town, the smell of Murdoch's, how every person here owns a truck and a dog, and how the "worldly things" aren't such a temptation in a place like Casper.  There are no billboards for lazer-lipo and nose jobs, and there aren't tons of expensive department stores and boutiques here to waste your time dreaming about how you wish you could afford the things in them.  I say its bittersweet leaving here because I don't want to leave, but I miss Robbie terribly.  I can't wait to see him tomorrow night.  I wish I could have the best of both worlds, and hopefully someday I can.  


Back on point here... the main thing I love about Casper is that the members of the church are different here.  Here in Casper, us mormons aren't in abundance like they are in Utah, therefore the members are more friendly here and inviting to those who are new or visiting.  In Utah, members are everywhere, so when you are new or visiting, nobody says "hello" or makes you feel welcome. (In my first ward, the relief society president asked if I was a visitor every single sunday for 9 months...)  The wards are full of cliques and micro-communities.  I am going to try to bring back the "wyoming welcome" feeling to my ward back in Utah when I get home.  I can't complain about how members are in Utah if I'm not willing to try and change it myself.  


The thing I really wanted to talk about tonight was about the lesson we had in Relief Society this past Sunday.  Church was at 9 and I was so dead tired from Brynn not sleeping the night before.  I was running on an hour and a half of sleep and had plans to come home as soon as sacrament meeting was over.  After sacrament meeting, I just had a feeling like I should stay.  I guess the word "prompting" is a more correct term.  I did fall asleep for a few minutes during sunday school (whoops) but it did help me catch a second wind that I was in need of.  In Relief Society we had a great lesson.  I don't remember the teacher's name, but she was a cute, young, bubbly girl who looked to be about my age.  She gave a talk about how important our thoughts are and how negativity can really make a huge difference.  What we think directly affects how we act.  It made me realize that I need to snap out of this negative persona I've been in the past 11 months or so.  While I was pregnant, I felt so sick the entire time I literally felt like I was going to die most of the pregnancy.  When you are in constant pain for an extended period of time, it makes you feel so negative. Not only was I grumpy and negative, I was too sick most of the time to make it through church and when you aren't attending church, you certainly do feel more negativity in your life without that weekly uplift that attending church brings.  I felt angry, annoyed, and I was extremely grumpy and easily irritated.  That became a habit, even through the times that I felt O.K., and carried over into my post-pregnancy.  I have thought negative thoughts for such a long time that I have become a grumpy person.  I am not a grumpy and unhappy person whatsoever, and this girl's lesson made me realize I need to SNAP OUT OF IT!  Think good things about others and myself.  Laugh about the things I can't control instead of get annoyed and frustrated. Smile at the strangers I walk past and make conversation with the lady in the checkout line at the store!  Make the effort to stand out in my ward in Utah and force my way into the cliques, and once I'm there, try to make the members of the cliques realize that cliques are dumb! Let's make everybody feel welcome!  Thats what the church is about, making people feel loved and being kind to everyone around us.  


I tried out my new positive attitude today for the first time since before I was pregnant.  I was at Hobby Lobby. I made conversation with the sweet old lady, Stella, who was cutting my fabric for me.  I smiled at her.  I talked to her.  I could tell it made her day, and that directly resulted in making my day as well.  I felt so happy and alive, how could I stop there?  I got to the checkout line,  and when the lady at the cash register asked me how I was today (like they do to every customer) I replied with the biggest smile and loudly and proudly said, "I am GREAT! How are you??" I wanted her to feel like I honestly cared about how she was doing, and to tell you the truth, I DID care about how she was doing. After paying I thanked her and told her to have a wonderful day. She looked taken back... usually that's their job to say that as you leave, not the customer's.  I am not trying to brag or toot my own horn, but I am so proud of myself.  I have felt so much happier at the end of today than I have in a really long time.  And honestly, after months and months of negativity, I think I deserve to toot my own horn! Go Ashleigh!  


I am on my way to becoming a happier and more positive person like I used to be and I am excited for every day that is ahead of me.  Positive thoughts really do make a difference. I love my husband.  I love my family.  I love my beautiful daughter, Brynn, and I can honestly say I have yet to take a moment for granted with her.  I am proud of that.  She is my whole world and my heart has never before been so full of love.  I love the happiness the gospel brings.  I feel so greatly blessed; more blessed than I feel I deserve.  The feeling of having a healthy baby and being a mommy is by far the best feeling in the world.  I want her to grow up in a family of positive attitudes and thoughts.  I have never been so excited about the future as I am now.